Love Languages: What Does It Say?
Khairulbariyah (KBD), April 2020
I remembered taking a quiz online about what language I am speaking to my lover. The result was as expected from the question it gave that my language is dominated by one than another. I realized that I have been practicing love language since then. I understand that people have different ways of expressing the way we love and appreciate the feelings we receive. However, the question still entails. Why doesn’t he do stuff as I expected? Why can’t he think of things I like?
Interestingly, I might know the answer, I understand the concept of love languages, but most of the time we do not know how to respond to it rightly…
A relationship is very thought-provoking. You choose to be inside an affinity for wanting to be with someone else because you want to share your days and life with your partner. You want to be happy, and you want them to feel happiness too, you do things that you think will make your partner happy. But once it fails you become upset and believe that your partner won’t love you or that you aren’t good enough for them and the list goes on. So, let’s question ourselves, what did I do to make them happy? Things that come to my mind will make them happy are giving them gifts or a word of compliment or simply just always being available whenever needed? But is it happiness for others?
The problem of people in a relationship, more likely than not, think based on their logic and feelings before others. They formulate the happiness that they believe their partner will feel with their interpretation of happiness. This becomes a problem when what you think is suitable, comes unsuitable, that your partner either is not feeling it at all or they just pretend that they are happy to not make you disappointed. If this cycle always goes on, then boredom will, of course, be felt. Your partner will think that the relationship is not challenging, he will feel weariness and finally leave it, or… you will feel that your partner doesn’t appreciate you enough, no real feelings, he doesn’t mean it, and finally, you think disinterested and leave the relationship.
People do not realize that the way they formulate the manifestation of happiness inside of their heads might not be what the partner will feel. They interpret the way they are happy about something as if other people will also find it happy. If I am so glad when someone compliments me with words that make me flattered, then this is how other people will react too. Or if I am happy when I give a present on someone’s birthday, then they will feel the same about giving to others too. People tend to express love the way they prefer to receive love. Love languages give us an understanding of how people express their love inside relationships.
The concept of Love Languages firstly introduced by Gary Chapman (1992) in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He classified the ways into 5 outlines: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. In a nutshell, these Love Languages are the ways people show their love and interpret the love back. He argued that each one is important and expresses love in its way. He says that the purpose of learning these 5 Love Languages is to determine how your partner and yourself are expressing love. Learning and knowing will, in the end, help you to have a stronger bond in relationships. Let’s get into it one by one:
1. Words of Affirmation
This is a love word you deliver to your partner, words like I love you, You are beautiful, I miss you, I am thinking about you. Words that will make your partners feel loved.
2. Acts of Services
You are doing things for your partner because you love him. These things that you do will ease his responsibility upon things. When you Love Languages is this, you will most likely ask your partner to list down things he wants you to do.
3. Receiving Gifts
When a persons’ Love Languages is this, it means they thrive on the love and thoughtfulness as well as effort behind the given gift. They perceive that action speaks louder than words.
4. Quality Time
When you spare your precious time with your partner. Not just being present but having your full attention to him, you may discuss and share meaningful stories.
5. Physical Touch
Showing love through hugging, cuddling, being intimate or directly handling hands. This may not only be shown in private places but mostly in public places too to feel that they are loved and to display their love for their partner. If you feel lonely and lost and haven’t been intimate with a loved one, you need physical touch. You are always anxious to be close to those you care for and to express your love for them with kisses, massages and even sitting by each other.
Every person gravitates to either one or two Love Languages, the research said a person can’t have it all. Try evaluating yourself in a relationship and to which way you speak your love languages. Knowing and learning others’ Love language is essential so you can ask things to your partner instead of expecting them to see it, though it isn’t their way of speaking their love. Knowing others’ will also make you act in a way that will make them happy and feel appreciated.
Learning Love Languages is very fun, but it may go wrong when you misuse it. You might fall into a situation where you force your partner to show love the way you feel good about it without considering their feelings since that may not be his way of speaking the love. If you fall into that situation means you control how other people should love you while love and relationship with other people are either mutual or reciprocal and supposedly earned through discussion, understanding and compromising. In another way possible, you should use this (your love language) as an excuse to not buy gifts or not physically present for your partner when those are the way they feel loved. What is best to do is to communicate the Love Languages you have with your partner and discuss to what extent you can compromise things and to also know that when they don’t do it the way you want it, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
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Khairulbariyah adalah pengisi Siniar kbdpodcast di rubrik Love-Life, lebih sering dipanggil Vira. Hobi nya nonton drama dan main PUBG atau COD. Jangan sungkan menghubunginya di Instagram @Virakhb.
